it was false advertisement

so yea livejournal i havent done this in a bit thought i would give it another shot ... im still alive-ish
emily i miss you ................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ... ....................................................................................this much and thats mucho my love

so my head is covered in bleech and im so sleepy i cant sleep i sewed my mom a pillow lol for her birthday which was yesterday i through her a party it was ... interesting to say the least i made so many jello shots and cake i felt like suzy homemaker sewing and baking and shit
it made me sick
but it was worth it there were 3 bottles of vodka one chivas regal 2 of southern comfort and jose cuervo 9 bottles of wine and like 6 cases of beer i was delusional from staying up for 2 days haha it was pretty fun i must say by the end of the night i found myself in a park with sarah and travis and dylan, eric and this really hot guy that kept calling me Miss Texas loli was smoking and i had a large bowl of all the different jello shots mushed up into what i was calling fruit salad
i miss emily and me and erika and friends anymore i have to go to work less than 2 hours mucho love to everone

in sa and im missing you really watched flcl last night and now all i see is you

so tonight its taking a little too long to get started but i cant hardly wait austin is coming hes coming oh yes he will be coming im joking maybe what! i dont know but im going to austin with austin its going to be fun i hope yes no i know
everyone have an awesome day im gonna party it up with my baby

austin was here last weekend ... i kow i know what was i thinking im not really sure actually my friends are all addicted and i want to go home austin is coming back tomorrow we are just friends now its wierd im with john and austin baby cant get me ever again i wont allow it. im going with him and brittany and all there friends to a lake house for the weekend it should be fun i tripped on 3 hits of cid with him halloween night i miss emmi and erika and klara so much it hurts my little insides im coming to houston soon and i will be saying goodbye im moving to phoenix arizona in a month with my boyfriend he got a job opportunitie (sp?) anyways im going to go cause im going out tonight i got to get ready i miss everyone so much they will never no

to jake emmi and my baby dady it made me so happy to see you three had left me comments. i love you 3 very very much so this is how life has been going its been 6 months since i moved away wow can you believe it 6 whole months thats a whole lot half a year time has flown right on by and i never even noticed well i came i fucked some shit up (as planned) met up with old friends found new ones met new boys forgot about the old one did alot of drugs faked some smiles caused some tears dated a greasy boy or two lol "ewwsha" lost a friend shed a few tears buckets full actually finally got over him got addicted to lazy let my husband walk on by went on a road trip saw my family tricked a boy did some more acid tortured a boy got in a fight lost a friend but gained one too ran around in my underwear. broken hearted muse to an artist but we used different METHods a few two many crushes came between some friends. but it was all just spilt milk. lost a roomate got divorced. methmites grabbed travis. hated. painting how they couldnt see it being depicted. fell into their circle one good friend left lost touch with all the ones i loved them. covered up his wall of disbelieving stopped trying to compromise. i have a nice boyfriend now his name is john i miss my friends very very very much i want to hold adams hand and listen to bright eyes all night i want to give him the letter i wrote and tell him everything i really dont know i want to smile with graham and play with crista in garbage i found out sarah is better than i ever knew and i couldnt be happier for her and key no i want to play soul calibur till the sun comes up with david i want to hear one of matts wierd ninja comments or that story about the dragon who isnt really a dragon at all i want to watch phillip shake as we hit the meth pipe all night but its okay cause we arent addicted anymore theres no one left to hold on to and its okay i just want to be back in the dirty apt with jv and john i want jakey to show up everyday at 12 and waist time with me just being happy and i stay awakie all night till i die and fall asleep and when i hear that pounding it isnt jakey at my old place its just me and im screaming inside just wake up aja just wake up dont sleep too long the days are passing and when you wake up no matter how hard you fake it that isnt a real smile ahhh i want to dye hair and eat the days away with emmi do some party lines with klara and em who needs those 3 days of our life right! i want to wake up christopher so i "have to skip school" lets go steel some beer from the fag party and piss some people off with that weasel i want to feel like the only girl even though its all lies i miss my friends and that one boy i guess its more the feeling what was it again?? oh yea happy

i found a boy then i fucked my self my future husband is dead some random fuck tard ate him. i think i'll stay this time

"...and yeah i had sex with shelby. get over it. oh and fuck meth. heroin is sooo much better. well be safe on the rest of your trip. bye love."

are you retarded dont call me love. you dont understand the word. i didnt care that you two had sex by the way i cared that you came to my house and lied. i cared that you tried to kiss me and told me nothing had happened between you two even though ya'll were dating and i knew you were lieing. i cared about us as for herion...fuck i cant even reply to that one you are sick and twisted. when you realize you are too good for that drug come back to the real world. thanks "baby" i will be safe. if you see austin shaw around make sure you tell him i miss his beautiful smile

before all you needed was the i love you's and a few good morning hugs now you're a junkie?
how are you happy?





we were

so shelbys mother called me hm hm hm and she told me the truth about everything austin has been doing and about alot of people i use to consider my friends whatever fuck youz guys so austin is in jail hahaahahsqJHOFJDS i just cant stop laughing...at you!! you fucked a 14 year old you dirty sick perv i hope you get sphillius and forget about it since you smoke so much meth and then ....i hope you die of insanity ahhaaha actually no but you will get yours haha hopefully as good as she got hers stupid sluts anyways we just got back from the beach we are at my step moms shes beautiful i havent seen her in 8 years its crazy tomorrow is my sisters birthday we are driving up to seattle we spent the night in cannon beach crista was totaly excited to see the rock from the goonies i didnt really care i grew up in that town we played with sea enenanies there were bright grean ones and orange and pink ones lots of purple and blue and yellow star fish we picked up to skater boys from england but then they got freaked out when crista got us pulled over lol umm not much to say really i called you amanda and emily and erika(i had a funny convo with your mother) so call me back i would love to talk to you 3 as for everyone else have a good day even if i hate you as for you mister gilreath YOU SUCK!! OH BUT HEY CHRIS I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR THE CALL I WILL BE THERE SOON 

me with cristas cousin

*stop in phoenix and see parach and my grandmother
*see the marfa lights
*take a trolly
*go down california street with no brakes
*go to the palace of fine arts
*take cid
*go to church
*take a nap in a park
*buy more cameras and a map
*have specail smoothies in l.a.
*organize the house (our car)
*camp for 2 days
*pick up a hitch hiker (we have picked up 5 so far 3 one time and 2 the first time)
*go to hay stack rock
*bon fire on the beach
*smoke alot of weed
*take a picture with a surfer in the desert
*shop on sunset blvd
*go to the hollywood sign
*go to portland
*visit melodie
*stop in salem and see the witch trial stuff...oops wrong salem
*go to seattle
*see my sister on her birthday
*go to the music museum
*take a monarail
*go to the science center
*go to a wax music
*go to my old house
*call eric

*got stopped by the police- (have been 8 times and no tickets yet even though neither of us have a licence haha we are sexy sneeeky bitches)
*go to china town-
          san francisco
          seattle
          vancouver B.C.
*go to the aquarium in bc
*go to the japanese peace plaza
*coit tower
*show crista the trans america building
*make and fly a kite
*fill "specail LA" fanta bottle with sea water
*do yoga everyday
*aids walk
*buy my brother a b-day gift
*push the emergency shut off button at a gas station
*go to mickeys monkey
*go to the golden gate bridge
*alcatraz
*have a double life
*pick up some hot boys and go drink
*commondear shit
*swin in the oceans in cali
*go on a date
*find my dad
*see my aunt jo in canada
*go to the morman church in salt lake
*see kevin
*see rasheeda on her birthday
*go to houston see emily, chris and jakey
*go to austin see louis
*go to dallas see michelle
*go skiing
*find the troll under the bridge (seattle)
*go to pasadena to see my baby cody
*see simba and tamar
*go hiking in the woods
*go to flagstaff for maayan
*go fishing
*stay the night with nicole
*see my mother and leeor
*take my brother out for his birthday
*go home
*go to castor's and finally be safe

so me and crista are leaving tonight we had an awesome time in cali. my uncle just took us to the store so we wouldnt go hungry so let me fill everyone in (we cares?...no one!!lol)we drove for a day stopped in phoenix for a couple hours my family was in from israel so we ate some yummy jew food mmmm! then we left went to l.a. and we have been in san fran for 4 days we went to golden gate bridge hung out with my uncle he ownes a bar so we stayed pretty amused (a.k.a-drunk) my cousins were in town too so we went to there hotel. we went on an adventure with some random guys. by the by ihop here has banana flavored syrup hm hm hm kevin came with us but after he hadnt taken his meds for 3 days and finished my uncles bottle of vodka he kinda had a bit of a...what should i call it oh yea hes insane. so he got on a plane and went back to texas!! hahah wierdo anyways we are having a blast i made friends with some homeless people we brought them so food hung out with them for 2 days got drunk in the park with them it rocked yesterday we went to the beach crista locked the keys in the trunk ... i know it was so stupid but we had fun playing with jelly fish we collected sand dollars and i flirted with this total cuty scenester haha finally when it was cold enough we walked up to this cafe and asked this guy if he has triple A he was wroking but he let us use his AA...A to get our keys out. then him and his friend took us out on a date. we went down to little italy and i had so much fun with the waiters they all seemed to like me for some reason abunch of italians grabed me and wanted to take pictures with me they said they liked my eyes lol and they kept say "oh bella!...you so boutiful! bella bella bella" it was cool at first cause i felt really pretty and then it was just freaky some where around the time when emauel grabbed me and kissed me but then we went out on a date with them at like 5 am. they bought us breakfast but then we left when we found out they were 30. haha akward moment. anyways im having a blast we just went back to the caffe in little italy and ate with my uncle we are leaving soon we just watched birth and we are nicely disturbed. i feel dirty since my uncle was watching it with us he thinks me and crista have problems haha (we do) we have to go now though we were saposed to be in portland uh...2 days ago we are two lazy hippies with much to do i love some of you!
cRiStA & AjA's To Do LiSt!!!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  *(D/ blue=not done)*
*stop in phoenix and see parach and my grandmother
*see the marfa lights
*take a trolly
*go down california street with no brakes
*go to the palace of fine arts
*take cid
*go to church
*take a nap in a park
*buy more cameras and a map
*have specail smoothies in l.a.
*organize the house (our car)
*camp for 2 days
*pick up a hitch hiker (we have picked up 5 so far 3 one time and 2 the first time)
*go to hay stack rock
*bon fire on the beach
*smoke alot of weed
*take a picture with a surfer in the desert
*shop on sunset blvd
*go to the hollywood sign
*go to portland
*visit melodie
*stop in salem and see the witch trial stuff
*go to seattle
*see my sister on her birthday
*go to the music museum
*take a monarail
*go to the science center
*go to a wax music
*go to my old house
*call eric
*go to china town-
          san francisco
          seattle
          vancouver B.C.
*go to the aquarium in bc
*go to the japanese peace plaza
*coit tower
*show crista the trans america building
*make and fly a kite
*fill "specail LA" fanta bottle with sea water
*do yoga everyday
*aids walk
*buy my brother a b-day gift
*push the emergency shut off button at a gas station
*go to mickeys monkey
*go to the golden gate bridge
*alcatraz
*have a double life
*pick up some hot boys and go drink
*commondear shit
*swin in the oceans in cali
*go on a date
*find my dad
*see my aunt jo in canada
*go to the morman church in salt lake
*see kevin
*see rasheeda on her birthday
*go to houston see emily, chris and jakey
*go to austin see louis
*go to dallas see michelle
*go skiing
*find the troll under the bridge (seattle)
*go to pasadena to see my baby cody
*see simba and tamar
*go hiking in the woods
*go to flagstaff for maayan
*go fishing
*stay the night with nicole
*see my mother and leeor
*take my brother out for his birthday
*go home
*go to castor's and finally be safe

~pollox will be home soon

i got your call at 4:29 am you pleaded for me to make it easier and to just say i love you back. i do so i did. i couldnt do anything i mean i have called crying wanting to hear the same things but then i again i have waited up at night wondering why you hadnt come by yet and why you didnt love me like my birthday and our 5th anniversary you know the one where you fucked that whore or christamas or valentines or night after night when you were with that 15 year old ... yea ... i have waited up so many nights for you austin shaw i love you i do but it made me ever so sad that you have become so desperate already you are trying to convince your self that i ever meant anything to you. its kinda funny though that i got your call just an hour after i got that stupid comment about being envious. im sorry you are going to the navy. but maybe if you change and you become a better person i could be in love again. thats a feeling i wish i could deny but now that i have let it in i am addicted its a blood splattered battle but i cant hardly wait. you are the drug i will always be addicted to. do not become so desperate yet you are oh so attractive there are plenty of cute girls to plow over yet i love you i love you i love you i do but dont come back to me until you are who you use to be. try to call me everyday i want to keep in touch while you are away maybe that will prove how much you really think of me by the way thank you so much for what you said i only treated you so good because i see the beauty in you underneith all the confusion. it meant alot to me that you know that i gave you everything i had and some. please take care of yourself i love you baby

Ahhh im on a 3 weeks road trip across the north west im in cali right now so fuck everyone who i ever thought to hate i love you with all my heart if you meant enough for me to feel for you and god bless those who dislike me for whatever reason others created in their mind you will learn one day cali is beautiful and so is the world and you and me and god and ... and

i cant explain there arent enough words in the english language. thet will not allow me to express to you exactly how much you do mean to me. good luck when you are away

	(Anonymous) 2005-07-19 14:26 (link) <input ... > Select
	if you only knew where your ex was. youd shit yourself. with envy. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	To the anony. kid. peetpachuli 2005-07-21 07:41 (link) <input ... > Select
	I know where he is, and who's he's. people talk a lot. I hate anonymous comments, so immature. If you're gonna talk shit, claim your shit, and back yourself up. If you're gonna relay dramatic news, just don't. That's super immature and teenager-like of you, you stupid little sadist. (Reply to this)(Parent)

and no matter how much you try to hate me its fake and i know it so its okay that you are mean. almost_did 2005-07-21 10:38 (link) <input ... > Select Comment Posted Successfully

im not envious of anyone i met that beautiful creature when i did and im happy for that but when he starts hitting who ever the next one may be and cheating on her she will understand. im sorry for whatever happened in your childhood to make you so cold but you will grow up one day and realize that trying to hurt people does nothing for your self. i know it may seem that bringing me down others makes you better but this is a fabricated feeling. you are no worse nor no better than me. go home and forgive your father or mother. everything will be okay i promise. as for that beautiful creature its only on the outside. he has potential to be good but he chooses to fallow in his fathers foot steps. who ever this is im sure you are nice deep down inside please leave me alone until you are strong ebough to say who you are ~ Aja (Reply to this)(Parent)

	peetpachuli 2005-07-07 07:01 (link) <input ... > Select
	cause I'm effing miss you when I sit alone in my tree at four o clock in the morning and you're not with me. (Reply to this)(Parent)

 

i am so sorry emily i love you with all my heart. your post made me cry <3 but know that you mean the world to me. you too erika i love you with everything...that i am made of...what? okay i am learning and moving on i am growing and it sucks i miss austin but not austin i miss being loved but then i remember that he never did or maybe he did who am i to say what is what. but he didnt cause he would never hit or cheat on someone that they loved oh so very much this will or should be the moment when you stop reading what it is that i have to say. WAIT. dont stop yet todai (*) i almost died no joke i think this is a turning piont everything is crumbling so i decided to take a shower but have it be a cleansing thing as well-like personaly so even though i have a nice heart murmer and my mom always told me not to over heat or i can die i decided that i would turn off the fan turn on all the candles and sit in a hot steamy shower with a towel under the door of course cause that makes it better huh huh huh 15 minutes later you ask? well thats about when i almost died my heart started going thumpity thumpity thump thump...thumpityityeeeak! i had to , with my heart in my hands run from the bathroom with no eyesight drop to the floor and then of course almost die crista and adam sat with me while i died. adam didnt at first but crista did shes a good gilr i love her ahh well you can stop reading recommnded unless you are my best friend emily or castor cause yall are too cool for everyone else and sit at home alot which is good it keeps the rest of em away from you two keeps ya'll pure so emmi sit down take a breath and pretend we are alone together its four am we are in your tree smoking speaking of whats our everything to their nothing and nothing about this stupid everything. i cant sleep why not why not? well probably cause i went all the way to houston and had to come back before i could do anything why? cause when i got there one thing popped in my mind and i couldnt be self destructive anymore. we all know what it is that popped in my stupid mind so what i did was take my nice big imaginary sword and burst my own motherfuckin bubble. this is an addiction and i will over come. adam and me are closer than ever but really far apart. i havent done laundry in a month mmm. yes cody austin newsha key-no taylor jason curtis gweedo i dont know what to do there will always be a man here to hurt me to grab me by the heart and skweaz actually it is only austin he did this he started it. i did it i allowed it i fell. and then fell again and again and then i jumped a couple times. lol but the piont is it was him. my first love the one i will always remember and everyboy will suffer now haha awesome i just made the first sandwhich in my house now thats a damn shame i have lived here for a 5 weeks almost and ... mmmturkey ... i forgot goddamn tweakers gerald is smoking right now yes just awake cause i hadnt slept and then that dying thing went down and i slept all day i cant smoke anymore it hit me 2 weeks ago when we all woke up at the same time right after 9 and realized that everyone had missed work but just as it hit me i hit it and i couldnt see the message as i exhaled a nice cloud that blinded me too long and now i have a meth sore 2 actually so i have to stop smoking right away like AS-AP sos can anyone hear me speaking of dieing i dyed my hair this cool redish bright pink colour it looks awesome today is thursday correct am i not? yay

wait i cant remember where i was or what this all is about but its okay cause i dont want to ever be in that moment again i love you emily just remeber its me and you in that tree right outside and we dont have to say a thing cause its alright

ScorpionsweeT87: i don't
ScorpionsweeT87: fuck that hoe
sleaping beauti: why?
ScorpionsweeT87: drama
ScorpionsweeT87: shelby
ScorpionsweeT87: blah blah
ScorpionsweeT87: i was there yesterday
sleaping beauti: maybe it will make it better
ScorpionsweeT87: i was there to pick him up
ScorpionsweeT87: because he wanted to hang out
ScorpionsweeT87: so
ScorpionsweeT87: i went all the way over there
sleaping beauti: yea
ScorpionsweeT87: woke him up
ScorpionsweeT87: and he was like, you're gonna have to wait a few hours until i'm done talking to shelby
ScorpionsweeT87: wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ScorpionsweeT87: so i was like wtf austin
ScorpionsweeT87: hw was like you should have called before you came
ScorpionsweeT87: he*
ScorpionsweeT87: whatever
sleaping beauti: what a bitch
ScorpionsweeT87: then he was like " you making everything complicated, so why don't you just leave and i'll meet up with you after i'm done talking to shelby
ScorpionsweeT87: asshole
ScorpionsweeT87: bitch
ScorpionsweeT87: gaaaaaaaaaaaah
ScorpionsweeT87: so i left pissed off
ScorpionsweeT87: and he never called to meet up with me
sleaping beauti: im so sorry baby
ScorpionsweeT87: whatever
sleaping beauti: he says he lovesme and hes still with her
sleaping beauti: its breaking my heart
ScorpionsweeT87: no, i'm cool now
ScorpionsweeT87: what an asshole
ScorpionsweeT87: he needs to make up his mind
ScorpionsweeT87: i think a 17 year old is way better than a 15 year old
ScorpionsweeT87: ohya
ScorpionsweeT87: i asked her mom how old she was, and she said that she just turned 15
ScorpionsweeT87: and i don't think that they're dating
ScorpionsweeT87: i don't know
ScorpionsweeT87: i haven't talked to him since yesterday
ScorpionsweeT87: so whatever
ScorpionsweeT87: i'm not worrying about it anymore
ScorpionsweeT87: you should be happy
sleaping beauti: im not though you have to realize i actually love him
sleaping beauti: i wasnt lieing like he was
ScorpionsweeT87: aww
ScorpionsweeT87: too cute
ScorpionsweeT87: but that's you rdecision
ScorpionsweeT87: i'm not going to tell you what to do
sleaping beauti: what do you mean?
ScorpionsweeT87: like
ScorpionsweeT87: he's fucking with your head, not making up his mind, and what
ScorpionsweeT87: he's in fucking katy
sleaping beauti: i know he is
ScorpionsweeT87: not with you in sa
sleaping beauti: i know
sleaping beauti: thats true thank you
sleaping beauti: i love you amanda
ScorpionsweeT87: i love you aja
sleaping beauti: but i just miss him can i still do that?
ScorpionsweeT87: ya
sleaping beauti: or am i dumb
ScorpionsweeT87: but don't let it hurt
ScorpionsweeT87: no
ScorpionsweeT87: you can always miss those you loved
sleaping beauti: it hurts everynight and day
sleaping beauti: i dont know why i care so much
ScorpionsweeT87: don't let it then
ScorpionsweeT87: have fun
sleaping beauti: he was so mean to me
sleaping beauti: he hit me
sleaping beauti: and cheated
sleaping beauti: why do i care so much?
ScorpionsweeT87: what an asshole
ScorpionsweeT87: you shouldn't
sleaping beauti: i dont know i was so stupid for him
sleaping beauti: i didnt take shit from anyone else
ScorpionsweeT87: don't worry
ScorpionsweeT87: we'll have fun when you come next week
ScorpionsweeT87: now i'm excited
sleaping beauti: okay thats good
sleaping beauti: me too
ScorpionsweeT87: alcohol, xtc, and hot ass guys
sleaping beauti: illl be there monday
sleaping beauti: mmmm
sleaping beauti: i cant wait
ScorpionsweeT87: around what time
ScorpionsweeT87: ?
sleaping beauti: me and you will find us some new guys
sleaping beauti: around 12 or 1
ScorpionsweeT87: hells ya
ScorpionsweeT87: i didn't tell you yet
ScorpionsweeT87: this guy from argentina
ScorpionsweeT87: omg
ScorpionsweeT87: fine, bmw, and a gentleman
sleaping beauti: what!
sleaping beauti: you never like guys
sleaping beauti: where did you meet him?
ScorpionsweeT87: no hitting, doesn't believe in cheating, opens all doors for you, and wants a girlfriend
sleaping beauti: what for me or for you?
sleaping beauti: i dont know him?
ScorpionsweeT87: i met him at a club
ScorpionsweeT87: for you
sleaping beauti: okay good
sleaping beauti: no
sleaping beauti: for you
ScorpionsweeT87: why not
ScorpionsweeT87: no he's my friend
sleaping beauti: no!
ScorpionsweeT87: whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
sleaping beauti: they are always your friend
sleaping beauti: no more
ScorpionsweeT87: haha
sleaping beauti: you have to date too
sleaping beauti: or i wont
ScorpionsweeT87: oh i will
sleaping beauti: okay good
sleaping beauti: cause i wanna
ScorpionsweeT87: he says he has a friend
ScorpionsweeT87: oh
ScorpionsweeT87: i can't wait
ScorpionsweeT87: you know that shane f. kid?
ScorpionsweeT87: we're hanging out with him too
sleaping beauti: okay cool
sleaping beauti: and?
ScorpionsweeT87: he's fine as hell now
ScorpionsweeT87: damn
sleaping beauti: he was before too
ScorpionsweeT87: he works as a lifeguard
ScorpionsweeT87: oh i know
ScorpionsweeT87: but know his body is defined even better
ScorpionsweeT87: when i left his house just now
ScorpionsweeT87: he was like
ScorpionsweeT87: be careful, cuz we just drank some sky
ScorpionsweeT87: then he was like
ScorpionsweeT87: next week, we are gonna roll balls
ScorpionsweeT87: i was like
sleaping beauti: haha so you gonna be chillin with him when im there? cause i cant wait to see you flirt with a boy i have never seen that before
ScorpionsweeT87: my balls are gonna roll harder than yours, then shane started laughing
sleaping beauti: thats awesome
sleaping beauti: aww you like him
sleaping beauti: how cute
ScorpionsweeT87: no
ScorpionsweeT87: he's fine
sleaping beauti: yea
ScorpionsweeT87: but, i've known him since 3rd grade
sleaping beauti: yea yea
sleaping beauti: whateva
ScorpionsweeT87: he's closer to me than austin
sleaping beauti: you want his nuts
sleaping beauti: i bet
sleaping beauti: everyone is closer to you than austin
ScorpionsweeT87: fuck that shit
ScorpionsweeT87: ya
sleaping beauti: haha
sleaping beauti: hes gonna get ya. pop ya cherry!!
sleaping beauti: ahhahahaha
sleaping beauti: i cant wait
ScorpionsweeT87: shane???
ScorpionsweeT87: fuck that
sleaping beauti: lol
ScorpionsweeT87: you do him
sleaping beauti: no
ScorpionsweeT87: he thinks your fine as hell
sleaping beauti: i dont want anyone
sleaping beauti: ever again
ScorpionsweeT87: aja b
sleaping beauti: does he really?
ScorpionsweeT87: hells ya
ScorpionsweeT87: i didn't tell you
sleaping beauti: no!
sleaping beauti: what?
ScorpionsweeT87: omfg
ScorpionsweeT87: remember when were sitting on the curb that day
sleaping beauti: yea
ScorpionsweeT87: and he rode up on his josh's bike
sleaping beauti: yea
ScorpionsweeT87: by the way, he has a car now with a system
ScorpionsweeT87: the next time i talked to him
ScorpionsweeT87: he was like
ScorpionsweeT87: who was that girl you were sitting with
ScorpionsweeT87: i was like aja
ScorpionsweeT87: he was lke" she's fine as hell"
ScorpionsweeT87: then
ScorpionsweeT87: when we smoked that one time
ScorpionsweeT87: i had so much fun that night
ScorpionsweeT87: we were laughing hardcore
ScorpionsweeT87: memories
ScorpionsweeT87: :'(
sleaping beauti: yea
sleaping beauti: i miss being at your house
sleaping beauti: thank you so much for not ditching me when austin did
sleaping beauti: i thought for sure it would happen
ScorpionsweeT87: no fuck taht
ScorpionsweeT87: that*
ScorpionsweeT87: your nice, cool, and awesome
ScorpionsweeT87: you could do so better than that
ScorpionsweeT87: like.......
ScorpionsweeT87: shane
ScorpionsweeT87: heloo
sleaping beauti: lol
sleaping beauti: i dont know
ScorpionsweeT87: ding ding ding
ScorpionsweeT87: we'll see
sleaping beauti: i deserve better i know
sleaping beauti: hmmm maybe ill try
ScorpionsweeT87: we're gonna get fucked up
ScorpionsweeT87: with them
ScorpionsweeT87: hells ya
ScorpionsweeT87: oh you so should
ScorpionsweeT87: i have to get off real quick
sleaping beauti: okay thats cool
ScorpionsweeT87: but i'll be right back
ScorpionsweeT87: k?
sleaping beauti: ok
ScorpionsweeT87: love ya cutie
ScorpionsweeT87: un beso chau
sleaping beauti: ani ohevet otah
sleaping beauti: nisheekote
ScorpionsweeT87: xoxox
ScorpionsweeT87 signed off at 11:51:02 PM.

goodbyeenemyship: thank you
goodbyeenemyship: im sorry it ended the way it did
goodbyeenemyship: but im glad that you finally ended it
goodbyeenemyship: i wont forget you aja
sleaping beauti: no just leave me alone
sleaping beauti: dont say things that mean nothing
sleaping beauti: you are a liar
goodbyeenemyship: they dont mean nothign
sleaping beauti:  and a cheater
goodbyeenemyship: i know
goodbyeenemyship: im sorry
sleaping beauti: and abusive
goodbyeenemyship: but im glad that its finally over
goodbyeenemyship: so you can be happy again
sleaping beauti: and i hope you change or you will end up like your father
goodbyeenemyship: iknow
goodbyeenemyship: i hope so too
goodbyeenemyship: but thanks for those nine months
sleaping beauti: 9?
sleaping beauti: it was 14 ass
goodbyeenemyship: yeah
goodbyeenemyship: no
sleaping beauti: yea
sleaping beauti: it was
goodbyeenemyship: not if you dont count those that i cheated
goodbyeenemyship: and lied
goodbyeenemyship: and abused you
sleaping beauti: well thanks
sleaping beauti: now i feel real happy
sleaping beauti: just stop austin
goodbyeenemyship: what
sleaping beauti: leave me alone
sleaping beauti: please
goodbyeenemyship: i just saying if thats who i am now
goodbyeenemyship: then you werent dating me for  months
sleaping beauti: i dont know you never did
sleaping beauti: it was all a mask
sleaping beauti: and i dont ever want to
goodbyeenemyship: ok then
goodbyeenemyship: im sorry
goodbyeenemyship: goodnight
sleaping beauti: its okay
sleaping beauti: sweet dreams
sleaping beauti: have an awesome life b
sleaping beauti: i loved the idea of you
goodbyeenemyship: you too
goodbyeenemyship: and i wished it couldve ended differently
goodbyeenemyship is away at 12:13:54 AM.

is everyone full of shit?? i love you amanda and ill be there on monday night. how did i fall for all your shit? ahahaha its almost funny. everything is going to be fine i promise. i wish someone else was here to say that to me but if im all i have i got to be strong

S.A : constant bullshit, endless conversation with people of the past, were all too different with one desprate need to cling to our once was. but my fingers are slipping fast. if another person comes in to give me that fake half hug pat on the back shit i'll slice their throat ("so hows life?...its so crazy to see you again!" its like a broken record) no i dont remeber that one time in 8th grade and can i ask what your fucking name is again the last thing i ate were 4 goldfish shoved in my mouth. i've lost 15 pounds. i cant sleep anymore. but im drawing alot more so i guess everything has its plus side. i finally talked to my mom after 3 months. its so sad that a girl my age can go without seeing or speaking to their parents for that long and not notice...sarah(old friend new roomate) was too much. i lost an old friend. i have slept maybe 3 or 4 days total in the past 18 days. i feel empty without him. i'll be in houston next weekend.its not all bad though i met some pretty cool people i get free tweak now haha awesome. my roomates are alright. my apt is beautiful. i went to see the faint and bright eyes in dallas it was a cool road trip. he called todai i was so excited i dont know why i do this to myself. yes please do indulge my unstable mind. fuck.

IchBinZwitter44: rumor has it you're here but I don't know

sleaping beauti: i guess im here depending on where here is

IchBinZwitter44: houston

sleaping beauti: sure

IchBinZwitter44: hmm

its like i dont even care anymore (just lie to me)

*honestly i would be a better person if you were my other half*

just call me. thats all i need. a long goobye. one last kiss till the morning. i  read your reply. it cant be true. it means we're over, it means its all tragic. just a lost girl with a bad habit and ill run back everytime i can. i would go home if i still had it. i would change the past but im glad i have it. WAIT! give in give in oh no
you did

all the pretty pictures. and in my mind ill hide away with all our letters and the love story that just ended. ITS OVER. lie to me, please just say the things i want to hear. just lie to me...you are you are. you did before, about her. its done. just lie to me

about her you did

just lay down. stop thinking. just stop. i closed my eyes and theres a flash of light. of you, a flash. of a boy i use to know. a flash of a man i made up...oh god did i? i made you into someone i could love. to be loved. the rains pouring down. did you picked me out? and i didnt know. just lie to me just lie to me. it cant be. i just need. i need i need

something...

now the sky cracks and my minds blank. is she holding you? she is, and you are holding her too. it burns whenever i think of where she kisses you. i've said goodbye too many times and i know that i'll say it again. how sad for me that i'll just keep calling to say hello and in the back round shes there and she knows. and the phones ringing

just lie to me

i just wont stop thinking that i cant be that low again. i have enough problems now. like money i cant be 14 again! on a lighter note newsha is amazing i clicked with him automaticaly. its so wierd cauese we used to hate each other. but part of me says ignore it cause i know that i am just getting fucked up and lieing to my self so i dont have to miss austin the cody thing:all a joke. the me and austin thing will hurt forever but i have to just be mature and move on. i cant just keep myself attached to this person who doesnt even exist. no matter how many times i want to lie and say he really is the person i want. he isnt and i cant hold it against him. some people are just sleazy. 2 days till i move in i am going to stock up on food tomorrow. i cant believe i am going to be able to eat whenever i want im totaly excited i dont know what i am going to do with sarah she has had 12 and a half tabs in this month 5 and a half in the past 3 days. she is this huge roller coaster of emotions and now she want to live with me...? i cant babysit someone everyday, but i cant leave her outside, LE SHEET it looks like i have a new roomate slash little sister. ((ERIKA! you are going to think im gross)) BUT me and newsha chilled all day after he picked me and sarah up we smoked a little he bought me dinner (nachos)...(MmmM) he took me to the woods at like 12:30am it was really dark and scary but him and bobby wanted to show me this awesome spot to smoke or draw, just to get away. its like a tree house up on this cliff in this big tree we were so high up i thought we would fall but i didnt!! yay anyways i dont know what i will do with sarah but i have a couple ideas for me and newsha

is the passion all gone?
or is it still newly wed?
if all this heat is doing is making us stick to the bed
then there is no life to revive.
but if the hunger is still there, hidden somewhere inside
covered up by the boredom we’ve been trying to hide
then dig it up and devour
and it will be more like a song
and less like its math
if you pull on my hair, and bite me like that
and the truth is that i can’t hardly wait
and i don’t care if we stay up too late
don’t answer the phone
don’t answer the phone
and it will be more like a song and less like its math
if you pull on my hair and bite me like that
and the truth is that i can’t hardly wait
it itches so bad that i can’t concentrate
don’t answer the phone
don’t answer the phone
and it will be more like a song and less like its math
if you pull on hair and bite me like that.

so im sitting in S.A sarah is curved out bitches right on the bed. its 3:50 am and thinking back to all our good times i know i loved him and he loved me i will forever miss him but i need to move on this will be healthy for me as much as it will hurt. i rolled with newsha and sarah last night i havent slept. newsh flirted with me all night it was cute he's adorable it was like i almost felt something but it confused me so i got high went to shishas with aaron smoked some shisha. dropped off some doses. we are gonna have alot of money in due time. in due time my friend. they may not make me feel the way you do but i must say there are always here. i get to eat everyday and i have endless packs of newports i think i have gone through 7 in 3 days i miss rasheeda and jon and jv. the other day we hitch hiked down beechnut with some beeners (they kicked us in the face) and we learned some horrable things in spanish it was awesome. i want to crawl back into your bed i want to hold you as tight as i can, but instead of remaking all my past mistakes im going to stay here im going back to school. i wont ever let another man treat me they way you did. thank you so much for teaching me to never take advantage of the ones i love. im getting a job and i have extra funds on the side we are moving in on the first adam is packing as we speak. he took me shopping for things i wanted like movies and we have an x box dude it rocks i get to decorate and buy cd's tomorrow. and when i feel i have improved enough i will go to my mommy and babys and ask for forgiveness. i dont deserve it. im alittle worried i have to take care of sarah cause i cant turn her away. her mom doesnt want her to live at home cause frankly sarah is a crazy whore who has freakish breakdowns so i am letting her live with me i know it will end akward but i dont want her to be all alone like i was the past 6 weeks. i took two codeine a 40 and im pretty sure i dont wanna wake up tomorrow wish me luck
i miss you baby. please go to college and be the wonderful person i use to love

no mom. no job. no family. no support. my friends are gone. my baby is dead. one more person to feed. anyone can deal drugs. its getting pretty drastic.

so i woke up sunday i got 4 hours of sleep and i was still drunk. jacob came over. i just chilled with david and jv all day. danny and christy came over. me and david took acid at like 9 before we left for jons show it was awesome. we went to dannys house and then we took another hit around 12:30. we left and went on an adventure to tag a wall. christy is awesome i really enjoy that girl and its cool cause i get along with danny again. me and david made sandwhiches but we thought the turkey was molding right in front of us. we all crawled in to daniels closet and turned out the lights turned up mars volta. the stars were melting all around me. i felt like i was floating. it was a beautiful night i watched life aquatic and it looked so amazing. i finally got to sleep at 11:30 am woke up at 4 jake picked us up from dannys we went home they started to get drunk kris came over and we got high and then susan brought awesome food from la madelien. stuart showed up i went to helios with him cody was there he freaked out cause we arent dating and started crying hysterically haha it was akward. anyways adam is coming in tomorrow from S.A and im leaving with him. i love you castor and i love you emily and ill miss you austin <3